Today marks the end of years being the sole occupant of the house I live in. As much as I have treasured these years of total freedom, I am thrilled at the prospect of my love of 2 years moving in with me today. Even the fact that it also means opening my home to his teenage kids every other 2 weeks does not diminish the excitement. I know he is ‘the one’ with whom I want to grow older.
I have been struggling to find the right word to describe our relationship. We are not married but we are in a committed relationship with a vision that extends well beyond our golden years. We are currently both in our early 50’s and calling him my boyfriend just makes me cringe. He is not a boy anymore, he is a divorced father of two. But most importantly, my feelings for him run way deeper than the boyfriend stage.
In a family setting or when with friends it is easy. I refer to him as my love, my sweetheart… But what is the age appropriate term when I refer to him to strangers or in a professional setting?
Facebook calls it a ‘domestic partnership’. Oh my! Where do I sign the contract?
Partner feels a bit too generic and contractual. Life partner… ? Nah.
Love of my life? Too long. Lover? We are not occasional shag buddies! Husband is a term I sometimes use because it pretty much feels as if and it sets a clear boundary (although nowadays…). But it makes me feel like a fraud, especially when I get the question ‘how long have you been married?’. Well, we are not really, bla bla… Awkward. Soul mate? He is, but calling him that, simply does not fit my personality.
I have come to the conclusion that ‘my man’ is closest to what I feel. It has a mature ring to it and the ‘my’ makes it exclusive. The French equivalent ‘mon homme’ even has a nice romantic sound to it (then again, what does not sound romantic in French!?).
It is funny how these peak moments of true happiness almost always trigger in me a fear of losing it all. ‘What if I die just when I finally have found the one!?’ , I asked him dramatically last night. ‘Don’t worry’ , he said, ‘you will not die now. We will die together. When I fall asleep behind the wheel’.
My man!